Pisces Paradox

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Humorous (and slightly offensive) Astrology: Pisces 

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn’t happen in “The Velveteen Rabbit”, it doesn’t exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don’t be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won’t tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want “honest criticism” of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don’t like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn’t matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren’t positive they know what they’re talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don’t like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

(Source: astrologyweekly.com)


Origin of Pisces 

Pisces is depicted by two playful fish, frolicking head-to-tail in a counter-clockwise direction, although it is also shown as two fish facing opposite directions linked by a band. Egyptian astrologers believed the constellation Pegasus was a boat that pulled the two fish underneath it—hence the band.

In Greek astrology, the Pisces story is similar to that of Capricorn. Venus and Cupid were supposedly playing innocently by a river when they were approached by a monster (the same one, in fact, that threatened Capricorn). Like Capricorn, they dove into the river for safety, at which time the goddess Minerva took pity on them and lifted them into the heavens for posterity.

The significant aspects to this myth are many. First of all, Venus represents pure love and Cupid mischief in romance, both of which are strongly present in the Piscean character. Secondly, the two were saved by water—hence Pisces is a water sign, occurring during the time of year when rainfall is most plentiful. In fact, Jesus Christ was born in the Piscean age (time itself travels through ages of the zodiac which affect us all), promised to wash away man’s sins, and is often represented by a fish; he also fed multitudes of people with two fish and five loaves, magically turning them into twelve baskets of food, which astrologers believe to be symbolic of the Piscean trait of great spiritual love to all twelve zodiac signs. Finally, Minerva is the goddess of wisdom and patroness of the arts; so Pisceans are spiritually wise and immensely creative.

Pisces is ruled by both Jupiter and Neptune, both of which govern the imagination and emotions, as opposed to practical matters. As a result, Pisceans are the most sensitive, creative, and adaptable of all the signs, but the least organized. In the anatomical realm, Pisces rules the feet and toes, the foundation on which the entire body is supported. This is ironic, because Pisceans are not considered strong people, either physically or emotionally. But just as each sign is assigned a part of the body, so each is also assigned a stage of man’s life; the ancients believed that Aries’ immature selfishness resembles the first stage of childhood, and that therefore Pisces’ spiritual wisdom represents the final stage of maturity. Indeed, there is a great deal of strength—albeit a misunderstood one—in spiritual wisdom. 

(Source: astrologyweekly.com)



The Pisces Star Stone 

Your starstone is the precious Moonstone. They are not brilliant stones, in fact, all of the specimens, from the peach and grays to the gem-quality blue and rainbow-colored pieces, are soft and translucent. The physical appearance of a stone often suggests its spiritual qualities, and moonstone’s most important attribute is the ability to assist us in calming and soothing the emotions. When one has achieved a state of emotional calmness, this stone may be used to open a path to an intuitive understanding of spirituality.


Starstones are not birthstones. 
Stones that are called your starstones, (planet stones), vibrate the strongest to your planet or sign.

(Source: astrology-online.com)


Pisces Problem 

Problem:Causing others to be quarrelsome or to walk out on you all together.
Solution:The upstream fish may be pushing too hard for someone to meet your ideals and could wind up pushing people right out of your life. Try lightning up.

Pisces Problem 

Problem:A strong sense of despair not shared by family and friends, thus leaving you with that all alone feeling.
Solution:You must come out of yourself and open up to those around you, you have the power to inspire others making you an important part of the human race; take your rightful place.

Pisces Problem 

Problem:Never seeming to have enough money to round out the week with much less the month even though your salary is on a par with everyone else'.
Solution:You are prone to act as if you have more than you actually do and tend to spend that which you do not have or need for other things. Forego some of the parties and make a strict budget to put yourself on.

Pisces Problem 

Problem:You find yourself being walked on or over in all manner of ways.
Solution:Try to reorient your thinking and assert yourself in a quiet, reserved manner that is more impressive than blustering.